comedy routine I just wrote…. Not all fresh, but preparing to demonstrate writing comedy bit for teen class today at 11:30….
Having a great day. I lost another half pound ground hog day.
Play my cards right and I’ll be skinny by Monday
I never was a big drinker
Now I search for tequila with a worm?
I hear a few models welcome a good tape
Or is that a fluke (bad, probably will cut that)
Actually thanks to giving up Al(most) all alcohol, I’ve lost 70 pounds now in seven months.
You know what most folks say when you tell them you lost seven pounds?
Way to go? No
How did you do it? No
They give me advice
You know what you need to do…
You have to give up dairy
You need to go vegan
You need to cut the carbs
You need to cut the fat
Too much salt
Not enough water
Stop, I lost 70 pounds, clearly I know what to do
Stop giving me advice while shoving a cookie down your throat.
I had a steak for breakfast and expect to be another half pound tomorrow
Oh you’re doing Atkin’s, better watch your kidneys
The real secret is keeping in the right mind set.
First of all, STOP listening to advice and listen to your body, right.
Not happy with your weight any given morning
Go drop another log
If your constipated, just skip the day
It’s all about the mind set
If really desperate, Take off shirt, shoes , pants …
…. Once the WW lady said, sir, wearing a thong is not appropriate here…. I was so shocked, when i put them on they were boxer briefs
As a person that is famously a social water and drinker, I fear what will I do know?
Everything I could not physically do the past 15 years, like hanging out with you awesome folks for you, and not the buffet.